Hot Baked Take, NBA

Paul “Poopy Pants” Pierce

Well it’s easy to say that the most interesting thing that went down in last nights NBA Finals game might not have been Kyle Lowry getting shoved by billionaire Mark Stevens.

During a pre-game show Paul Pierce decided to finally debunk the infamous “wheel chair game” from the ’08 finals. Remember this?

Ah yes who could forget a man going down in agony and having to get picked up and placed into a wheelchair just like a dude with MS. Then having that same dude come back for the second half and ball out of control like nothing happened. For years people have been confused until The Truth decided to let us all know what the real situation was.

You know what? It all made so much sense to me after hearing this. I always kinda thought Paul Pierce was hella soft for needing a damn wheelchair, but after hearing this I can only feel his pain. We’ve all kinda been there, if anyone has shit themselves, especially in public, then the understanding is there. We’ve all had 8-9 beers, jalapeño poppers, and a milkshake and decided that pesky little fart needed just and extra push, until a little hot poo-poo got away from you. Not to mention on a nationally broadcasted network that half the nation is watching. Come to think of it, I would have done damn near the same thing in his shoes, it’s the only right way to get off the court and out of those crappy shorts (get it?).

Unfortunately the internet had their way with this brave man admitting to doing the right thing any brave man would do. Shortly after admitting to what I’m referring to as “poop-gate” people were coming after Pierce.

It’s tough to deal with that kind of heat, and my main man Paul “poopy pants” Pierce did something he should have never done. He tried to backtrack and say he was joking.

That’s where he messed up. You need to own up to pooping yourself, because if there’s anything you absolutely can’t backtrack from, and I mean ABSOLUTELY can’t…..it’s when you admit to shitting yourself. Once you break out that dirty little secret, there’s no going back, no one in the history of man has even admitted to pooping himself and then later successfully played it off as a joke. Once a poopy pants, forever a poopy pants, and at that point you just need to own it.

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