Well the 2019 NFL draft is nearly upon us, and boy is there a lot of mock drafts out there. I know I’m going to get a ton of flak for this, but mock drafts are stupid, it’s all speculation with little to no substance. This got me thinking, if your an anyone in the NFL media you’ve probably filled out a mock draft, there is really only a handful of NFL experts who’s mock draft holds any pedigree. With that being said, guess who’s going to be a hypocrite and do his own mock draft? Yup you guessed it, and I’m man enough to admit that my mock draft is going to mean absolutely nothing. Every year there is something so crazy and unpredictable that nobody could have ever saw it coming, your Eli Manning to San Diego, your Aaron Rodgers free falling, etc. Essentially that’s the premise of this mock draft, a mock draft in which every GM is going to do the most unpredictable, random thing imaginable like they’ve been drinking Hennessy in the war room.
#1- Arizona Cardinals – Quinnen Williams DL, Alabama.
There is so much speculation that the Cards are going to take their second top 10, first round QB in 2 years. So much so that I don’t think it’ll happen if Steve Kiem is going to be off the heny come draft day. Missing on franchise QB’s can really hurt a team, missing on them in back to back years gets you fired. Kiem is drunk and playing it safe with Williams.
#2- San Francisco 49ers- Devin White LB, LSU.
Everybody and their grandma has Nick Bosa going to San Fran, but not me. It takes guts to do what I do and that’s why I have Devin White going to the 49ers. If you thought pick 5 was too high for an off-the-ball LB, think again, John Lynch is plastered in the war room and needs a solid line backer plus he’s already paid good money for D linemen Dee Ford in the offseason and already has a pro bowler in Buckner.
#3- New York Jets TRADE to Denver Broncos- Dwayne Haskins QB, Ohio State
Ya that’s right, the Denver Broncos trade up to get QB Dwayne Haskins even after acquiring Joe Flacco in the offseason. John Elway has had so many cocktails and doesn’t trust anyone anymore. New York Jets acquire CB Chris Harris Jr and a 7th round pick from Denver and the city revolts against the tyrant John Elway.
#4- Oakland Raiders- Drew Lock QB, Missouri
John Gruden is crazy, like really crazy so I don’t even know if he needs to be drunk for this pick. Oakland likes Lock, Oakland takes Lock and Derick Carr is pissed, Gruden fights him in the parking lot of the local Applebee’s and is hungover the next day.
#5- Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Nick Bosa DE, Ohio State
Tampa Bay could really use an elite LB, but they also need a good edge pass rusher. Jason Licht will be the one to benefit from other GM’s not holding their booze well. Licht isn’t as lit and Tampa gets one of the best players in the draft.
#6- New York Giants- Greedy Williams CB, LSU
There are plenty of players left in the draft with much higher value positions than what Greedy Williams would provide for New York. The Giants selected a RB with the 2nd overall pick in round 1 stone cold sober last year. Imagine if the GM was boozing all day, Greedy going 6 is probably what would happen.
#7- Jacksonville Jaguars- Marquise Brown WR, Oklahoma Sooners
Marquise “Hollywood” Brown, cousin to Antonio Brown who draws comparisons to Tyreek Hill with his speed. How could you not love the idea of this guy chopping up defenses with Nick Foles in the captain’s chair.
#8- Detroit Lions TRADE Houston Texans – Jawaan Taylor OT, Flordia
This one wasn’t as fun to get creative at the possibilities the Texans could reach for. More likely than not, they will look to trade up with Detroit, it’s obvious that they need tackle help. Watson is sick of getting sacked and Jawaan Taylor is going to help him from getting his noodles scrambled consistently.
#9- Buffalo Bills- T.J. Hockenson TE, Iowa
Look the Bills need help, in a ton of areas. All these experts and their fake news think the Bills will go O-Line help for their new QB Josh Allen. Nope, GM Brandon Beane went tailgating with the Bills Mafia and is trashed. A big, skilled target in the middle of the field can be a young QB’s best friend, ask Mahomes how he feels about Kelce or Wentz about Ertz. Bills select a TE at 9.
#10 New York Jets, TRADE from Denver- D.K. Metcalf WR, Ole Miss
After pulling off the heist of the century with Denver, the Jets take a leap with the human G.I. Joe Metcalf. The Jets do technically need a WR and Sam Darnold needs help. It’s the Jets so all jokes aside I wouldn’t even be surprised if they did something stupid like this, drunk or not.