Conspiracy Theory

Trump Doesn’t Fill Out Brackets Because He’s Got A Weak Jumper

Another year and another March Madness where President Trump decided to not fill out a bracket. This marks the 3rd year in a row where Trump decided he was better than the rest of America by ignoring one of the most exciting things in sports. At this point, I’ve got big questions (yuge) that there is more to the lack of brackets than we’re led to believe.

One thing that’s really bunching up my britches is that Trump actually tried to start his own university at one point. This leads me to believe that Trump has got some sort of hidden animosity towards colleges, or even more specifically, college basketball. Trump hasn’t been known to be a good athlete so perhaps I understand his dismay of sports in general.

If anyone has seen pictures or videos of Trump doing anything slightly athletic, like swinging a golf club they would realize that he’s a bit more athletic than we think. However; homie is definitely dragging a wagon, I mean dude is thick. So why does someone who is athletic and stout not like basketball? With a core like that he definitely poses a threat in the low post area, I mean look at it.

That guy could box out a professional rugby team from Albuquerque to Alabama.

The problem is, he has hands are about as anatomically proportionate of a T-Rex. You know what that means? Trump can’t dribble the ball, he’s got horrible handles on the rock. That’s OK though, most post-up players don’t have good handles, but that’s not the issue. Trump and his small hands have given him one of the worst mid-range jumpers known to mankind, his FG percentage is speculated to be lower than his approval rating.

When someone misses that many open looks on the court, they are bound to have some sort of resentment for the game of basketball. And we all know the story that he became president just to prove to himself and others that he’s not a total bum. There in-lies the reason for why he decides to shy away from March Madness brackets year after year, he hasn’t be able to accept the fact that his jumper is weak as hell.

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